Elise Brown was in her early 20s when her apartment burned down. Everything in it gone with one spark turned flame.
While painful at first, she tells this story because it’s the hinge her life turned on. “One day you’re fine. Next, it’s gone,” she said. She knew this to be one of life’s truths, because she watched it all burn down in front of her, so if it can all go away in a blink, then why does the risk of asking for something and hearing “no” scare her? So she stopped letting it, and decided staying quiet was not worth never finding out if she’d get a “yes” or a “not right now.”
So Elise started asking for what she wanted. Small requests at first; a stretch assignment at 23 she had no business requesting, which is how a Southern woman in her early career ended up building a life in New York City. Then bigger: a seat at the table, a title, a raise. A career built, deliberately with support and clear asks along the way.
The story she shares with us is the story of what happens when you say the quiet part out loud and ask for what you want instead of waiting for someone to notice.
If it can all go away in a blink, then why does the risk of asking for something and hearing “no” scare us so much?
In our conversation, Elise and I chat about:
The house fire that inspired her to ask for what she wants
Why suppressing what you want costs you your body
The physical breaking point that forced her to listen
How she rebuilt her week around listening to her body
Ambition and wellbeing aren’t opposites
On the personal side, we get into her love of Sade at full volume mid-cardio session, why she’s determined to learn to knit even though it’s kicking her butt, and the Cindy Crawford morning routine that inspired how she starts her own day.
The Cost of Not Asking
Elise makes a point that’s easy to nod past and hard to sit with: suppressing what you want doesn’t only cost you the thing you wanted, it costs you your body.
For her, it showed up as TMJ so severe it started affecting her hearing. Hip pain. Sleep that wouldn’t come and brain fog so thick she couldn’t tell whether she was tired or high. She’d had an autoimmune disorder earlier in life and did not want to go back to that world of medication and monitoring; her body’s warning system had her attention.
We only have one central nervous system and it goes into fight-or-flight when we perceive we’re in danger and it also activates the same response, in a smaller way, every time you swallow what you want instead of voicing your desires.
Ask for the raise, the help, the boundary - or don’t - and carry it.
Over time, “carrying it” stops being a metaphor for you not asking for what you want. It shows up as stress, tension, a jaw that won’t unclench, hips that won’t release, and for some people worse.
Elise’s body didn’t wait for her to connect the dots. It stopped functioning just enough that she couldn’t operate at her best, and she knew it.
Reset the Nervous System
Elise is a serious reader. Autobiographies, mostly; she mentioned Cicely Tyson’s memoir Just As I Am several times. Underneath the book recommendations is an instinct: the body has to get somewhere calm before the mind can think straight. Vibration plates. Walks with an audiobook. A hobby that occupies her hands so her brain has permission to stop narrating.
That instinct has real research behind it. The Breakout Principle by Dr. Herbert Benson and William Proctor, a book that I read often as I was climbing the corporate ladder, made the link that performance and clarity don’t come from grinding harder. They say that breakthroughs come in four phases:
a period of real, sustained effort or stress
a deliberate release of that effort (through repetitive movement, an absorbing task, or simply stepping away)
a “breakout” moment of clarity that shows up almost involuntarily once the release happens, and
a return to your normal state carrying that new clarity with you.
Elise’s vibration plate ritual where she makes herself stop, and use the plate to shake up her energy physically interrupts the spiral, so she can come back to her to-do list and triage. It’s a a breakout mechanism she built for herself.
So is my experience under a barbell: the demand of the lift forces total presence and trust. When you can’t get your head there, you step away; back off, and come back to get it. The clarity about the rest of life shows up on the other side of the set.
The through-line: you cannot think your way out of a nervous system that’s stuck “on.” You have to physically interrupt the pattern, shift your perspective. The thinking comes after.
Asking Is a Strength Practice
Elise is candid that asking comes easier at work than at home for her. She built the professional skill deliberately: reach out, make the ask, take the “not right now” without deciding it meant “never.” The personal version is harder. It means admitting she can’t do it all herself.
I understand why this is a harder “rep” for her. Asking a colleague for a stretch assignment risks a professional “no” or “not right now.” Asking a partner or a parent or a friend for help risks something that feels more personal, being seen as needing something by people whose opinion matters to you.
This is the parallel to lifting. Loading a bar with a spotter you trust, in a room full of people who already know your name, is a different kind of vulnerable than lifting alone. You have to ask for the weight you want. You have to ask someone to stand where you need them, not just anywhere convenient. Do that enough times under a bar, and the muscle you’re building isn’t just physical, it becomes the skill to name what you need out loud and trust that asking won’t cost you the relationship.
Your Turn
Elise’s closing question to the Muscle Moments audience doubles as a homework assignment (not so sorry. It’s worth it!)
Are you asking for everything you want? What are you leaving on the table?
Write it down.
Everything you’ve talked yourself out of asking for — at work, in a relationship, of yourself — put it on paper. Not because writing it down manifests it (but it helps!), but because the list itself is a diagnostic tool. It shows you exactly where you’ve been quietly absorbing a cost your body’s keeping track of, and you don’t know it, yet.
Strength is a life strategy.
It takes a lot of strength and courage to ask for what you want. Go get it.
ABOUT ELISE
Elise Brown is a strategic marketing leader with over a decade of experience, primarily in the financial services and venture capital industries. She currently serves as SVP of Marketing at All Raise, where she leads the organization’s marketing, communications, events, community engagement, and brand strategy to support women and nonbinary investors in venture capital. Prior to All Raise, Elise served as Partner and Chief Marketing Officer at Anthemis, a global venture capital firm, where she oversaw marketing, brand management, communications, events, and business development across the organization. Her expertise also extended to providing operational and go-to-market support for startups within Anthemis’ portfolio, helping founders accelerate growth and strengthen their market presence.
GET IN TOUCH WITH ELISE
LinkedIn: Elise Brown
Instagram: @fabworldofelise
